Hi. I'm Mister Schmeckl. I'm an American soldier in WW II in the game known as Call of Duty.
I'm feeling angry. Has this happened to you, too?
I'm trying to stay alive. Luckily, I've killed a couple Germans without getting killed myself. Love that BAR.
I've now stealthily crept inside a building with a good second floor window.
Stealthily crept, with a BAR, you know what that means, right? You move like you're wading through molasses.
Well, I get to my perch inside the building at the window, finally. I'm super quiet. Nobody knows I'm here. Well, at least nobody alive knows I'm here.
I'm careful to make no noise in order to avoid drawing attention to myself.
Wait! What's that??
Oh, it's my teammate coming to join me in the same spot. BUT, he's jumping around. He's so freakin loud that the whole darn world can hear him. In fact, when he gets nice and close to me, he changes weapons a few times and jumps a couple more times, just in case he hasn't made enough noise.
Now, I'm mad. He's going to ruin my secret spot.
Hmmmm, what's that new noise I hear? Oh, I know. It sounds like the pin pulled from a German grenade.
Oh, cool, the graphics are kinda neat. It looks like something just flew in the window next to me.
BOOM!!!! I'm dead.
Thanks for nothing, teammate!!!!
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Chronicles of Huntress - Part 3
Okay, I know that most of you are not interested in Lord of the Rings or my adventures in Middle Earth. That's okay. I forgive you.
My puppeteer, Mister Schmeckl, intends to write about other games, too. He's just lazy and hasn't gotten to it yet.
In the meantime, I thought I'd quickly mention some of the fun things to do in Middle Earth and the LOTRO game.
Here is a Top Ten List, and you'll note, some of them are not unique to LOTRO because they apply to other similar games, as well:
10. Hobbit Jumping. Nothing says fun like running at a Hobbit character played by another person and then, because they're short, just jumping right over their heads.
9. Horse's Ass. Ride your horse close to a stranger. Then back up the "rear end" of the horse to the other player's head. When they notice this, they're a little displeased.
8. Music. Adventuring throughout Middle Earth is quite fun, but it's also pretty cool to meander through a well-populated area and listen to other players with a flute or mandolin actually playing some real music quite well. Sometimes, good music is good music, even in Middle Earth.
7. Critical Successes. In LOTRO, we have crafters and professions. My crafting specialty is that I am a Scholar. I'm able to make rare Scrolls, Potions, Dyes and other fancy schmancy crap that you don't care about. When you put the ingredients together and make your item, well, you make your item. But if you are a Master Crafter for the level of the item you're making, you have a percentage chance to "critical" which means you typically make a better version, or you end up with several items instead of just one. It's quite nice when it happens.
6. Hitting it Big at the Auction House. Yes, we have an Auction House where the citizens sell their items. Of course, folks can always sell things for fair market value at a vendor. But if you REALLY want to try and make some bling, bring it to the Auction House. List whatever you want for your starting price and list a high "Buyout" price. It sure feels like you are the king of the world when you make a huge profit because someone paid your exorbitant "buyout" price at the Auction House and now you feel like you're rolling in dough.
5. Spending it at the Auction House. Yeah, you can buy this or that. Some deals are good and some are so-so. Whatever. But if you really want to shit yourself with glee, find that item that for whatever reason, nobody else has picked-up on. There it is . One hour to go in the auction. Ignore that ridiculously high buyout price. Instead notice the ridiculously low initial starting price. SCORE! Place that low bid and score the victory. Keep your spoils or turn it right around and resell for a profit. Oh yeah!
4. Making Friends. Yep. It's a social game. Sometimes, since I'm so cool and powerful, and all bow down to me, I go and adventure on my own. But other times, I'm on a quest with others. I used to quest with lots of Kin. In fact, we had a huge and active Kinship of Package members and friends. Now, it's just me and Zappo who plays at all crazy hours of the night. So, when I need a group to accomplish something, I join the good old fashioned pick-up group ("PUG") and give it a go. Let's face it. Sometimes it sucks. But surprisingly, I've met some cool characters and learned to work well with others. It's actually quite fun to have six of you accomplish a really hard task and continue to comment thoughout how pleased you all are to have met and to be working together on something. LOTRO friends are nice.
3. Random Acts of Kindness. What can I say. For an Elf, I'm a big softy and this is a fun/rewarding part of the game. Help that warrior that you are passing who is struggling against a powerful mob, or worse, multiple mobs. Also, as an Elf Hunter, I have the ability to insta-travel throughout Middle Earth, and I can even take others with me. It's like a taxi service. Many folks are grateful for the assistance, and it's nice to provide it.
2. The Uber Drop. Nothing makes you want to crap your panties like that surprise uber drop. Whoooooo, what a rush!!!
1. Finally, this never gets old, but the ultimate always revolves around the good old Leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeroooooooooyyyyyyyyyy Jennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnkinnnnnns!!!! You can actually do that to people for real, but I think it's kind of cruel, unless you're just inept like >O< Fear and you do it because you don't know better. But if you just want to have fun and scare the poop out of your group, all ya need to do is wait for your whole group to be almost ready. You're waiting quitely for the right moment to strike. The group is trying to play smart. That's when you tell them, "Awwwwww hell, I hate this waiting around. I'm just gonna go and attack. Leeeeeeeroy Jennnnkins!!!!!!" Then you start moving toward the mob(s). Haha, there's nothing like the howls of terror, the cries of "wait," and the screams of frustration that it generates, all in the span of two seconds, as the sickening sense of sordid sadness over failure rises like bile from the gut of those you're playing with. Of course, then you say, "just joking" and later, you wonder why they don't invite you back to play with them again. :) Good times, yeah, good times!!!!!
My puppeteer, Mister Schmeckl, intends to write about other games, too. He's just lazy and hasn't gotten to it yet.
In the meantime, I thought I'd quickly mention some of the fun things to do in Middle Earth and the LOTRO game.
Here is a Top Ten List, and you'll note, some of them are not unique to LOTRO because they apply to other similar games, as well:
10. Hobbit Jumping. Nothing says fun like running at a Hobbit character played by another person and then, because they're short, just jumping right over their heads.
9. Horse's Ass. Ride your horse close to a stranger. Then back up the "rear end" of the horse to the other player's head. When they notice this, they're a little displeased.
8. Music. Adventuring throughout Middle Earth is quite fun, but it's also pretty cool to meander through a well-populated area and listen to other players with a flute or mandolin actually playing some real music quite well. Sometimes, good music is good music, even in Middle Earth.
7. Critical Successes. In LOTRO, we have crafters and professions. My crafting specialty is that I am a Scholar. I'm able to make rare Scrolls, Potions, Dyes and other fancy schmancy crap that you don't care about. When you put the ingredients together and make your item, well, you make your item. But if you are a Master Crafter for the level of the item you're making, you have a percentage chance to "critical" which means you typically make a better version, or you end up with several items instead of just one. It's quite nice when it happens.
6. Hitting it Big at the Auction House. Yes, we have an Auction House where the citizens sell their items. Of course, folks can always sell things for fair market value at a vendor. But if you REALLY want to try and make some bling, bring it to the Auction House. List whatever you want for your starting price and list a high "Buyout" price. It sure feels like you are the king of the world when you make a huge profit because someone paid your exorbitant "buyout" price at the Auction House and now you feel like you're rolling in dough.
5. Spending it at the Auction House. Yeah, you can buy this or that. Some deals are good and some are so-so. Whatever. But if you really want to shit yourself with glee, find that item that for whatever reason, nobody else has picked-up on. There it is . One hour to go in the auction. Ignore that ridiculously high buyout price. Instead notice the ridiculously low initial starting price. SCORE! Place that low bid and score the victory. Keep your spoils or turn it right around and resell for a profit. Oh yeah!
4. Making Friends. Yep. It's a social game. Sometimes, since I'm so cool and powerful, and all bow down to me, I go and adventure on my own. But other times, I'm on a quest with others. I used to quest with lots of Kin. In fact, we had a huge and active Kinship of Package members and friends. Now, it's just me and Zappo who plays at all crazy hours of the night. So, when I need a group to accomplish something, I join the good old fashioned pick-up group ("PUG") and give it a go. Let's face it. Sometimes it sucks. But surprisingly, I've met some cool characters and learned to work well with others. It's actually quite fun to have six of you accomplish a really hard task and continue to comment thoughout how pleased you all are to have met and to be working together on something. LOTRO friends are nice.
3. Random Acts of Kindness. What can I say. For an Elf, I'm a big softy and this is a fun/rewarding part of the game. Help that warrior that you are passing who is struggling against a powerful mob, or worse, multiple mobs. Also, as an Elf Hunter, I have the ability to insta-travel throughout Middle Earth, and I can even take others with me. It's like a taxi service. Many folks are grateful for the assistance, and it's nice to provide it.
2. The Uber Drop. Nothing makes you want to crap your panties like that surprise uber drop. Whoooooo, what a rush!!!
1. Finally, this never gets old, but the ultimate always revolves around the good old Leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeroooooooooyyyyyyyyyy Jennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnkinnnnnns!!!! You can actually do that to people for real, but I think it's kind of cruel, unless you're just inept like >O< Fear and you do it because you don't know better. But if you just want to have fun and scare the poop out of your group, all ya need to do is wait for your whole group to be almost ready. You're waiting quitely for the right moment to strike. The group is trying to play smart. That's when you tell them, "Awwwwww hell, I hate this waiting around. I'm just gonna go and attack. Leeeeeeeroy Jennnnkins!!!!!!" Then you start moving toward the mob(s). Haha, there's nothing like the howls of terror, the cries of "wait," and the screams of frustration that it generates, all in the span of two seconds, as the sickening sense of sordid sadness over failure rises like bile from the gut of those you're playing with. Of course, then you say, "just joking" and later, you wonder why they don't invite you back to play with them again. :) Good times, yeah, good times!!!!!
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Chronicles of Huntress - Part 2
Here in my world of Middle Earth, all of the folks who run around for adventure are able to choose certain "traits" based on: 1) virtues; 2) race; 3) class; and 4) legendary status.
For virtues, you may choose five "virtues" for your character out of a dozen or so that are available. Your "virtues" help you play better in various ways, such as helping with your health, health regeneration, power, power regeneration, armor and numerous other aspects of your play.
By accomplishing certain "deeds" thoughout Middle Earth, your chosen "virtues" improve. The "deeds" that you accomplish vary greatly in substance and difficulty. For example, one "deed" may require you to kill 200 wolves while another may require you to find five geographic locations.
If you continue to improve your "virtues" it can help quite a bit. Each "virtue" can increase ten levels.
Well, I've recently figured out that the ass, Mister Schmeckl, who controls me never really paid a lot of attention to MY "virtues" before. Basically, I've been gimped. He's played me all fooked up.
Well, NOW, we know that we can CHANGE my "virtues" and actually concentrate on the "deeds" to improve them so that I can actually run around with better abilities.
I'm just happy to know that after TWO FREAKIN YEARS, my puppetmaster Mister Schmeckl has finally caught on and is choosing better "virtues" for me and improving them by focusing on the necessary "deeds."
Hey, Mister Schmeckl, thanks for waking up and finally smelling the coffee!!!
Cheers,
---Huntress
For virtues, you may choose five "virtues" for your character out of a dozen or so that are available. Your "virtues" help you play better in various ways, such as helping with your health, health regeneration, power, power regeneration, armor and numerous other aspects of your play.
By accomplishing certain "deeds" thoughout Middle Earth, your chosen "virtues" improve. The "deeds" that you accomplish vary greatly in substance and difficulty. For example, one "deed" may require you to kill 200 wolves while another may require you to find five geographic locations.
If you continue to improve your "virtues" it can help quite a bit. Each "virtue" can increase ten levels.
Well, I've recently figured out that the ass, Mister Schmeckl, who controls me never really paid a lot of attention to MY "virtues" before. Basically, I've been gimped. He's played me all fooked up.
Well, NOW, we know that we can CHANGE my "virtues" and actually concentrate on the "deeds" to improve them so that I can actually run around with better abilities.
I'm just happy to know that after TWO FREAKIN YEARS, my puppetmaster Mister Schmeckl has finally caught on and is choosing better "virtues" for me and improving them by focusing on the necessary "deeds."
Hey, Mister Schmeckl, thanks for waking up and finally smelling the coffee!!!
Cheers,
---Huntress
Friday, May 22, 2009
Chronicles of Huntress - Part 1
I've been good and have been taking lots of pictures.
But my efforts were delayed last night when my own kin, fellow Elves, peltered me with arrows and instantly killed me. Apparently, there are some places of Middle Earth that I'm not allowed or welcomed.
Aside from that, it's a wonderful land. It has amazing graphics on a good computer. I looked at a stream that I was crossing and the water, the streambed and the surrounding ground actually looked real. Truly amazing.
I also like that when I run around in various places, there is pleasing gentle music always playing in the background. Of course, when I fight orcs and other beasts, the background music magically becomes much more dramatic.
Another interesting twist is that in LOTRO, we use horses to travel farther distances. It makes going from one place to another much quicker. However, and interestingly, our horses won't go into the Mines of Moria. In there, we need to ride goats. (Slick Rick, they smell and it's called bestiality.)
Okay, I'll continue on my touring and picture taking so that I can show you a photo album soon.
Kind regards to all,
---Huntress
But my efforts were delayed last night when my own kin, fellow Elves, peltered me with arrows and instantly killed me. Apparently, there are some places of Middle Earth that I'm not allowed or welcomed.
Aside from that, it's a wonderful land. It has amazing graphics on a good computer. I looked at a stream that I was crossing and the water, the streambed and the surrounding ground actually looked real. Truly amazing.
I also like that when I run around in various places, there is pleasing gentle music always playing in the background. Of course, when I fight orcs and other beasts, the background music magically becomes much more dramatic.
Another interesting twist is that in LOTRO, we use horses to travel farther distances. It makes going from one place to another much quicker. However, and interestingly, our horses won't go into the Mines of Moria. In there, we need to ride goats. (Slick Rick, they smell and it's called bestiality.)
Okay, I'll continue on my touring and picture taking so that I can show you a photo album soon.
Kind regards to all,
---Huntress
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Chronicles of Huntress - Part 0
Here I am, a hot Elf, waiting for some action that I can then tell you about in my Chronicles.
This is fookin' ridiculous. Every night, I'm looking for some healthy killing of monsters and beasts, the taking of treasure, the exciting exploration of a make believe world. You know, all that good stuff.
But,
the idiot that controls me, Mister Schmeckl, hasn't even logged into the game to have me do anything. So, I'm bored, lonely and waiting for action. (Slick Rick, don't get any ideas.)
Plus, it's tiring for me to wait around. At any given moment that I'm standing around, apparently, I'm holding five large bags. Each bag contains 15 types of items. Some of the items are 20 of this or ten of that. So, I'm holding a lot of stuff. Of course, that's while I have my two uber attack knives, my Legendary Bow and an invisible quiver that has an unlimited supply of arrows with a special Light Oil applied to them that doesn't make them do anything practical. It's just a stupid thing for my puppeteer, Mister Schmeckl. When I shoot something, the graphic is kinda neat and the arrows make a cool noise.
Well, the last thing I did was fight all the way through Moria, literally. I snuck past some creatures and battled mighty ones. I did this so that I could get to the other side, exit Moria and enter Lothlorien. The problem is that the Elves in Lothlorien won't let me in. Apparently, even though I'm some uber powerful Elf Hunter, now I need to go and earn their trust. Sheesh!
Oh, and one other thing. I'm now using my camera. I'm going to take pictures of myself, as a tourist, all around the parts of Middle Earth where they'll let me in. Then I can show you all the places I've been.
If that stupid ass, Mister Schmeckl, ever gets to it, I'll start putting together my photo album for you to see.
Until next time, the bored and lonely,
---Huntress
This is fookin' ridiculous. Every night, I'm looking for some healthy killing of monsters and beasts, the taking of treasure, the exciting exploration of a make believe world. You know, all that good stuff.
But,
the idiot that controls me, Mister Schmeckl, hasn't even logged into the game to have me do anything. So, I'm bored, lonely and waiting for action. (Slick Rick, don't get any ideas.)
Plus, it's tiring for me to wait around. At any given moment that I'm standing around, apparently, I'm holding five large bags. Each bag contains 15 types of items. Some of the items are 20 of this or ten of that. So, I'm holding a lot of stuff. Of course, that's while I have my two uber attack knives, my Legendary Bow and an invisible quiver that has an unlimited supply of arrows with a special Light Oil applied to them that doesn't make them do anything practical. It's just a stupid thing for my puppeteer, Mister Schmeckl. When I shoot something, the graphic is kinda neat and the arrows make a cool noise.
Well, the last thing I did was fight all the way through Moria, literally. I snuck past some creatures and battled mighty ones. I did this so that I could get to the other side, exit Moria and enter Lothlorien. The problem is that the Elves in Lothlorien won't let me in. Apparently, even though I'm some uber powerful Elf Hunter, now I need to go and earn their trust. Sheesh!
Oh, and one other thing. I'm now using my camera. I'm going to take pictures of myself, as a tourist, all around the parts of Middle Earth where they'll let me in. Then I can show you all the places I've been.
If that stupid ass, Mister Schmeckl, ever gets to it, I'll start putting together my photo album for you to see.
Until next time, the bored and lonely,
---Huntress
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Who am I?
Greetings. My name is Huntress.
For those of you who don't know me, I'm a Level 60 Elf Hunter (female) in Lord of the Rings Online, known as LOTRO.
To get acquainted, here are a few things I'd like you to know:
1. I'm controlled by a geek named Mister Schmeckl.
2. If he's a guy, why am I a girl? Well, that's because he likes my cute elf ass.
3. What's it mean that I'm Level 60? Well, that's as high as it goes. So that means I kick butt.
4. What's the purpose of all this? Well, I'm going to write here, periodically, so that you can follow my adventures. You might find some of them interesting, so I'll be here from time to time to tell you about them.
---Huntress
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